Flexibility plus boundaries, trauma survivors are trained to be flexible. We give in immediately because we already know: 1. You will lose any conflict 2. Resistance earns punishment so don't resist. So we are super flexible, but without boundaries flexibility is not an advantage. I am developing good boundaries, which requires me to use my flexibility, I can endure the discomfort of disappointing someone now. We all get disappointed at times.
This is so comforting. Everyone thinks I'm too accommodating and loving and too flexible but I know deep down inside they're the ones who have a difficult time understanding
Does Biology hinder you from this? No matter how hard I try to strengthen my emotional intelligence, my shortcomings always remind me of my parents. My mother has extreme anxiety, bipolar and low IQ. My dad has anger problems and low IQ.
Yeah, and if a tree is strong enough, it can withstand the wind. I personally don't believe in this flexibility thing. It's the reason the world is the way it is. People can be and do anything, and we all have to be so flexible that it's OK. People need to be adaptable, not flexible.
I use to be very flexible but here where I live at some point I thought maybe I was too flexible but no, and it maybe because the response I received when negotiating by phone on in person with other people. It was something very positive. According to the circumstances I use to make adaptations. Isn't me giving away my rights or letting others abusing me, no, it was like I didn't have a filter when it comes to see my needs and the other people's needs and how to prioritize accordingly to the circumstances and the social resorces we were using at the moment. The same happens with my kids and with myself. We all can developed adaptability and empathy at a higher level and if only society based their system on this concept I think many things can be solved. Its an excercise you willingly practice or you have the ability to do it and the more positive results the more tendency you have to adapt this behavior and it can becomes a life style as well. Why not? I am teaching that to my son who is autistic, high functioning, and to my daughter who has a sensorial condition but showing them at the same time responsability. Resposnability under de foundation of flexibility and planification and organization but always flexibility and adaptation as a powerful fools to drive yourself through the rest of it. I put those things in a balance when talking to them so they don't see things in black and white. Not always an easy task when it comes to let them practice it but they are smart and they clearly understand it. I tell them, if you fail you tried again. Its a process. Its about not panicking and just rearrange, reinvent, negotiate, ask, search, see your alternatives, think of you and the other part, the circumstances, prioritize and relax.
I would argue saying "flexibility of psychie" and "flexibility of personality" are not the same. You can be consistent and constant in your personality (knowing who you are and how you present) and be flexible in morphing that to others and the world.
41 Comments
Flexibility plus boundaries, trauma survivors are trained to be flexible. We give in immediately because we already know:
1. You will lose any conflict
2. Resistance earns punishment so don't resist.
So we are super flexible, but without boundaries flexibility is not an advantage.
I am developing good boundaries, which requires me to use my flexibility, I can endure the discomfort of disappointing someone now. We all get disappointed at times.
Emotional intelligence
The creep is back?
If she says flexible 1 more time
Love that ❤
This the plain truth❤❤
Flexibility versus people pleasing?
That honestly like the saying my mother always told me growing up “Bend, never break”
So what does this mean for people on the Autism Spectrum?
Loved this validation
This is so comforting. Everyone thinks I'm too accommodating and loving and too flexible but I know deep down inside they're the ones who have a difficult time understanding
Thank you, Dr Ramani!!!
If I know something’s right I’m not going to be flexible. Sounds more like just being weak to me.
otherwise, laid-back
im more mentally healthy than i thought
Does Biology hinder you from this? No matter how hard I try to strengthen my emotional intelligence, my shortcomings always remind me of my parents. My mother has extreme anxiety, bipolar and low IQ. My dad has anger problems and low IQ.
🙏💙
Mmm, k. But, I'm a virgo, so….
I've had ADHD my whole life and it shows… physically.
Yes !!!
What…. Autism by nature stereotypically makes people less flexible mentally. Doesn’t mean its an unhealthy mindset
I’d suggest it’s also somewhat situational. Plus other factors like ADHD and ASD.
I agree!!!!
Yeah, and if a tree is strong enough, it can withstand the wind. I personally don't believe in this flexibility thing. It's the reason the world is the way it is. People can be and do anything, and we all have to be so flexible that it's OK. People need to be adaptable, not flexible.
This is MINDBLOWING !!! WOW !!! Thank you Dr. D. ❤❤
God says to be steadfast.
That makes a lot of sense.
It seems a very intuitive conclusion. I would like to hear examples on how it applies in the real world
For a generation that grew up on the movie Frozen, most of y’all need to learn how to let it go
Wow I am so glad she put it like this
I am someone who has survived a lifetime of trauma and I am very flexible/adaptable person, so this picked me up and I really needed it ❤
It’s the opposite of stubbornness
I work with people and physically flexible people are emotionally and mentally flexible as well. Usually.
I use to be very flexible but here where I live at some point I thought maybe I was too flexible but no, and it maybe because the response I received when negotiating by phone on in person with other people. It was something very positive. According to the circumstances I use to make adaptations. Isn't me giving away my rights or letting others abusing me, no, it was like I didn't have a filter when it comes to see my needs and the other people's needs and how to prioritize accordingly to the circumstances and the social resorces we were using at the moment. The same happens with my kids and with myself. We all can developed adaptability and empathy at a higher level and if only society based their system on this concept I think many things can be solved. Its an excercise you willingly practice or you have the ability to do it and the more positive results the more tendency you have to adapt this behavior and it can becomes a life style as well. Why not? I am teaching that to my son who is autistic, high functioning, and to my daughter who has a sensorial condition but showing them at the same time responsability. Resposnability under de foundation of flexibility and planification and organization but always flexibility and adaptation as a powerful fools to drive yourself through the rest of it. I put those things in a balance when talking to them so they don't see things in black and white. Not always an easy task when it comes to let them practice it but they are smart and they clearly understand it. I tell them, if you fail you tried again. Its a process. Its about not panicking and just rearrange, reinvent, negotiate, ask, search, see your alternatives, think of you and the other part, the circumstances, prioritize and relax.
I would argue saying "flexibility of psychie" and "flexibility of personality" are not the same. You can be consistent and constant in your personality (knowing who you are and how you present) and be flexible in morphing that to others and the world.
Ultimate way of gaslighting here. Imagine telling someone they're wrong because they're not mentally flexible. Keep that in mind.
In the workplace when managers are inflexible – there way or no way. Resistance to any change.
So true. The adaptability and flexibility are what saved me from my childhood trauma.
Hi Doctor, i needed to hear that. ❤
Funny, all this learned from a book and not real life situations
I was once like this; now I’m the one that needs the help. Life has really taken its toll on me! 😞